When I made the announcement that I was getting married, I didn't tell too many people because I knew the word would spread like wildfire. People weren't surprised that I was turning 30 that year, they were more shocked that I was leaving the single life.
The people that were most shocked, were my circle of friends who knew me oh so well. Why? I was the one who always said I didn't ever want to get married!!!
Don't get me wrong, when it came to other people and their desire to get married, I was happy for them. When it came to me, no thank you. At the time, I knew that marriage changed people...but it changed people for the worst. At least with the people in my life. Here I share a few experiences I came across with friends of mine who got married.
Friend #1 - was my RIDE OR DIE! I mean she would break her neck to help me if I needed it and I in return did the same. We didn't go to night clubs b/c that wasn't our thing. We weren't big gamblers but we would take $20 - $30, go to the casino and play on that all night. Then we would either go to Waffle House or Wal-Mart and by the time I put the key into the lock of my front door, sometimes you could see the sun about to rise. But she found someone and called me at work to tell he proposed to her. I was genuinely happy for her and even planned her wedding. I knew at that point, there would be no more casino, Waffle House, Wal-Mart runs. BUT what I didn't expect her to so was go flip mode on me. I began to not even know who she was. This man had totally changed my friend. Then she called me one time and told me that he had the nerve to tell her that instead of them hanging around me, they should hang with more married couples. I was like WTF? I was ready to pounce on his ass but she talked me out of it. I felt like he was sort of driving a wedge between us. It wasn't like I was introducing her to other men or still expecting her to do the things we used to do. She said she talked with him and let him know that I was like her sister and though I was single, I wasn't a bad influence on her. The fact that he thought that, made me mad.
Friend #2 - I grew up with this chick. I almost knew her better than she knew herself. She was one to never put up with anybody disrespecting her, her family or her friends. She would check you, book and read you and then dig a hole to bury you in. A no non-sense kinda chick. She especially didn't take shit from no man. HOWEVER, she was stuck on this one guy. I mean on him like white on rice. Like a fly to shit. But one minute he treated her like a queen and the next minute treated her like a groupie. She defended all his actions and nothing was ever his fault. When people tried to tell her he was cheating on her, she made up some excuse about who the chick was. He disrespected her family and friends and she allowed it. He never disrespected me however, because I guess he just sensed that I wasn't the one. Besides, I never spent any time around him b/c I hated to see the way my friend acted around him. She was a whole other person. It got to the point where I almost didn't want to be her friend anymore.
Friend #3 - This ex friend....I don't know WHAT went wrong but something went wrong REAL fast. She was the most independent person I knew. Didn't need a man for NOTHING but could have any man she wanted. So imagine my surprise when she told me that a guy she had been dating was now her boyfriend. Then he quickly went from boyfriend to fiance. I was happy that she found a man that she didn't have to give the side eye to. I didn't get a chance to go to her wedding but when she got back from her honeymoon, I was in for a surprise. He monitored her phone calls, if she said she was going to the store, he'd check her mileage before she left and when she got back. She went from Independent to Submissive overnight. I wanted to know what the hell happened on that Honeymoon. She had called me one day and left a voicemail. A couple days later I called her back and her husband answered the phone and wanted to know my reason for calling. I told him that it wasn't a business call and that I would talk to her about why I was calling. So he called her name and told her to pick up the phone and stayed on the phone while we were talking. It made me downright uncomfortable so that was the last time I called her. Eventually, we lost contact all together.
Person #4 wasn't a friend of mine, but I knew of her. She was one of the nicest people I had ever come across. She always had get togethers at her house. She would always tell my friend to tell me to come on through. I went to one of her shin digs and it was pretty cool and laid back. The guy she was dating was there and if you saw the way he looked at her and how he treated her, it would have made hearts float above YOUR head. He cherished that woman. Well...he must have told her one too many times how fine/beautiful/gorgeous/breath taking she was because I saw her at the mall about a month after she got married and I called her name and waved and she looked dead at me like "Who the fuck are you?" I first thought that wasn't her, but she turned and looked at me so I knew it was her. Later that next week, I was talking my friend that I knew this chick through and he said he went over for a dinner party they had, and she was walking around acting like she was filming an episode of The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. He said when he arrived at their house, she opened the door and looked at him and then yelled to her husband "One of your little friends are here" I woulda flipped out.
So just by those 4 examples, you could see how I was a bit weary about jumping the broom. Cause I look at these four women and pre-marriage they were just like me. Then I saw how marriage flipped them without any warning. That's where I was drawing the line. I wasn't about to go through the changes like that. I REFUSED!
So, why DID I get married? I eventually grew up and realized that I didn't necessarily have to be like these people I gave you examples of. Don't get me wrong, marriage does change you, but it DOESN'T have to change you for the worst. Once my husband and I started dating, I knew where it would end up, the "I DO" section of life. My mother (rest her soul), father and even sister (who likes nobody, LOL) all liked him immediatley, so that also played a big part in wanting to get married because no way, shape or form was I going to marry a man that disrespected or even dis-liked my parents and sister. He would have been taking a long walk on a short plank.
So I can thank my husband for changing my mind on wanting to be married because if it wasn't for him, I still may be a Miss instead of Mrs.
